stuck in sap

YIKES. I’m about to get political here friends. I fully understand that this is not my intention of this blog, but I just can't not talk about this for the sake of trying to avoid offending someone. You most certainly do not have to agree with me, I only pray that you can hear my heart in this and respect my own perspective. I am thankful that God creates us each with our own perspectives and I pray we can carefully hear one another and work together for the sake of humanity. 

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I am here, in another country, trying to encourage people here to become advocates to things that are happening in their own nation that are unjust. There is so much corruption in the government and services here, and children are not properly cared for. And then nothing happens most of the time. I’m over here, half amped and half beyond frustrated and then I realize—many of the people in this country are doing the same thing I do back home. Turning off the news, pretending I can’t do a thing about the state of our government and leadership, and hiding in a book or trying to drown my feelings in music and tortilla chips and chocolate.

Shut the front door. Oh Jesus, how you hold me accountable today. 

I went to a large community this week called Chifubu. They are very poor. There is one clinic that serves thousands of people. People wait for hours to be seen. And I hear a statistic, that I don’t know if is correct/if I understood it correctly, that 75% of the children in this community are affected by HIV- they are either positive themselves or have a caregiver who is positive. I can’t believe that. I want to scream, and heave, and wail. I tried to check that fact with others from Jubilee and are still wanting to confirm it for sure- my mind is arguing that this can’t be true, maybe they were saying that out of the people who come in for testing (which is not everyone in the community and more likely to be people who are sick and already experiencing symptoms) that 75% are them are affected by a positive status- themselves or a parent? I asked Martha to call the clinic and verify the parameters of this statistic, and her response was that "what it actually means is that 75% of the children who are tested at the clinic are HIV positive. So, I am not sure, there isn't clear data. But the idea that it could be any percent at all just gets me furious. And then there is everything else they face- malaria and tuberculosis are practically regarded as the common cold. Everything is covered in poverty; the children can’t even afford to go to school. Also, often children will be HIV positive, their parents don’t tell them, and so when they are taking their ARV meds they have no idea what it is or why they are taking it. People don’t talk about it. Fear- the sticky, sap-like substance that makes gravity ten times it's actual pull. And it spreads like wildfire. Adults are unfaithful to their spouses and are unwilling to tell their own spouse their status for fear of being left. Often older men will have many young girlfriends in the community and still be married.

There is a type of alcoholic drink called chibuku that is sold in giant cartons for 2 or 5 kwatcha, aka 20 or 50 cents. It contains the filling substance of mealie meal so it is basically a very filling drink you can get drunk off for pennies. Sounds like their own "tortilla chips and chocolate" to me- can I be surprised that they want to drown out the pain of their circumstances? 

I am scratching my own head wallowing in my own realization of how complacent I have become in my own country’s happenings because the majority of things that take place in government have almost no effect on me. But they affect my friends, my colleagues, my kids who I see for counseling. Education budget cuts affect ALL children- why the heck do I pretend it isn’t happening? They children in the US can’t do anything to advocate for these things- who will do it? Why don’t I? Here I am praying and expecting people in Zambia to be moved to advocate for injustice, but what does my own record show in my own country? 

I am asked day in and day out about American politics and what I think about this and what I think about that. I am hearing that Trump is trying to deport Christian Iraqis to the Middle East, where death is almost certain. I see that they have committed past crimes, some decades ago. But I also see it was decades ago, some of these infractions are quite minute and they have already paid their debts under Obama, and that many are now in Christ and have families here and many are in process to legal citizenship. What is the current threat? What about our education budget cuts- so many crucial programs being ripped out of the hands of our youth? 

How does this serve us? Fear. Accountability. What will be done, who will stand up? Who feels stuck in sap? What makes your blood cry out for Jesus and justice?

After two weeks of pretty much no chocolate and certainly no tortilla chips, I have actually lost weight. And last night I was so fed up that we drove to pick n pay so I could pick up some white bread, peanut butter, mango jam and juice, cadbury chocolate, and some very salty peanuts. SAP. I confess my sap. I don't want to do anything about it, I just want to sit and wallow, but I know I have to. 

What is your sap? Why are you in it? 

shine bright like a diamond

 (Okay, so this first part will be content-based to give you an update of some day-by-day things and the second part will be process-based about where my heart is.)

I spent the rest of last week at another “transit” home called The Adoption Society. At the moment, there are 8 children living there- 5 boys and 3 girls. There are only three caregivers on staff at this time- that means there is either one or two women working per shift; in charge of supervising the children, doing the laundry by hand, cooking the food (which often takes hours), bathing the children, and everything else. This organization is presently only funded by “well-wishers” but in the past they were supported by a church in the Netherlands. I am not completely certain why this partnership ended, but it seems that it had been going on for many years and I suspect that the Netherlands was hoping that the Zambians would do more to become self-sustaining and keep consistent reports on how they were using their funds. Again, just my suspicions. 

Initially, my hope was to work with the caregivers to love on them and encourage them, but also to help educate them about how to best care for the children’s psychological needs. I did spend some time doing this, but it became apparent that they have already been stretched so thin and their focus seemed to continually gravitate back toward "we need money." So, instead, we were able to come up with a plan for a few of the women who have been trained by the Jubilee Centre in counseling children to stop by once or twice a week to provide this type of service for the children.

 I spent some time with each of these counselors (both named Rhoida ;) ) in order to check-in on how their practices are going and educate them on a few more strategies and techniques I might use in counseling. They were so receptive and hungry for more information! I plan on meeting with each of them again this week at their own clinics to see what a typical day looks like for them. They were so energized for the Lord and so thankful for some additional suggestions; it inspired me!

There have been so many pieces this time around. I am so, so thankful for more time here to see more and to listen more. In the same breath- wow- so many feelings. There are absolutely incredible people here doing amazing things in the name of Christ, yet there is so much that works against them. And then there are many churches and people who believe they are doing the work of God, but it is driven out of fear and judgement. And then there are massive barriers born out of corruption and desire for control. It’s insanity- it’s everywhere; in the government, in social services, in churches- everywhere. And it just seems to continue on, people know it’s there and they don’t like it, but it’s like they see no other way. It seems “thinking outside the box” is almost a sin here- children are taught to be respectful and do as they are told, to not ask questions or wonder. People continue to do the same thing day after day, generation after generation, because it would be disrespectful not to. This message is also weaved into many of the churches and what it means to be seen as a Christian- if you suffer you are not supposed to tell anyone about it- you will either be ridiculed for having such little faith or people will tell you to get over it. I believe there are good intentions, and I also believe that many people are in their own survival mode. 

So these are some of my own interpretations thus far- they cannot be written in stone. I am one person with one view and I may be wrong in how I see this. There are others who I have processed with who see these things as well, but I am certain that some other Zambians could read this and become very angry. I mean no disrespect; I am simply trying to make sense of it in order to see the big picture of connections that allow things to run the way they run.

For example: the majority of the children who are in the transit home are not actually in transit. They are not available for adoption. Two of the boys are there because their mothers are mentally ill. One of them was actually in process of being adopted and had met with his prospective adoptive parents many times, but the government worker said that because the mother was mentally ill, she was not capable of giving consent to sign off her rights of him. So the process stopped. He has been in the transit home since he was only a year old, now he is four. What is his story going to be? If the adoptive parents had paid off the government worker, bribing, would the process have been completed? I don’t know, I don’t know what his fate will look like. But I am irritated- this means he will be in limbo? He can’t live with his mother, but he can’t be adopted- so he has to live at a transit home for the rest of his childhood without an understanding of family? And there is no caseworker or anything assigned to him who is working to get him into a family or find a solution for him. The social worker, Nissi, from Jubilee Centre has noticed a change in his disposition- he knows that something has happened; he knows he hasn’t seen those prospective parents anymore, but he doesn’t know why. He appears to be quite ambivalent, but by the end of the first day I spent with him he would take my hand and lead me to the swings for me to push him. This sweet little heart, trying to make sense of a world that even to an adult, just doesn't make sense. 

This is just one example out of what seems like endless examples of frustration. And in the midst of all of this frustration, I am reminded why I am here. I spent a good deal of time on Saturday sitting outside in the sun reading the book Holy Discontent by Bill Hybels of Willow Creek. The Lord orchestrates perfect timing- I could feel my heart resting in his hands. This book talks about how to lean in to the things that you just can’t stand- how to be empowered to do something about it and to continually seek God’s grace and mercy in the process. I know what my discontent is- oppression and children being maltreated, however I can get so wrapped up in my own feelings that I just get stuck and overwhelmed in anger or I try to numb the feelings myself instead of surrendering it to the Lord.

            Here are a few excerpts from the book:

“If you expose yourself to all that’s broken in our world but neglect to view the brokenness from Heaven’s perspective (which promises that everything is in the process of being restored) then you’ll get sucked into an impossible downward spiral of aggravation and anger. Things will seem so bleak that you’ll wind up taking up residence inside your firestorm or frustration instead of allowing it to propel you toward positive action.”

“I think it’s entirely possible for us to rest in God’s promise for a better day-one in which there will be no compassion fatigue, no antidepressant pills, and no grumbling bellies in Southern Asian kids- while we work our tails off to usher it in! In fact, when you live out of the energy of holy discontent – elbowing your way past the troubles and struggles and injustices surrounding you in determined pursuit of the “better things” God has promised in his restoration plan-all of heaven will rejoice!”

Amen!

Ephesians 1: 8-10

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

What are the works that God is calling you to? What is something that you can’t stand? How can you lean into it, instead of away, allowing yourself to be transformed by God’s peace? I am truly feeling a peace and at the same time a conviction to press into this feeling, to surrender it to God and follow where he leads. How else would anything get done- if not you, who? How is the Lord training us in the same ways he trained Moses- to be a defender of our freedoms in Christ? 

It's hard. But it's so good. This is what we are created for. 

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And now it's time for Illustrative songs with Mavis, the part of the blog where Mavis comes out and sings an illustrative song (Yes folks, this is my take on Veggie Tales). 

Here and now I'm in the fire,
In above my head
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
Being held under the pressure,
Don't know what'll be left
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
But it's here in the ashes
I'm finding treasure

He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in his timing
He's making diamonds out of us

I'll surrender to the power
Of being crushed by love
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
Till the beauty that was hidden
Isn't covered up
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
Oh it's not what I hoped for
It's something much better

He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in his timing
He's making diamonds out of us

Oh the joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He's making diamonds

Oh the joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He's making, he's making

He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making us rise up from the dust
He is refining in his timing
He's making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us

I won't be afraid to shine
I won't be afraid to shine
I won't be afraid to shine
Cause he's making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us

Eagles Wings

Oh my stinkin’ heart.

I have to tell you about my day yesterday, I am over the moon people!

I visited another NGO that the Jubilee Centre is in connection with, it is called Eagles Wings and it began as a school and there is also a transit home on the premises. Jubilee Centre has an amazing social worker, Nissi, who keeps in contact with many other agencies and churches as well as the government social services in things such as foster care and adoption.

We arrived at Eagles Wings and met with the director Lackosn. He explained some of the backstory to Eagles Wings to me first. He began a new church after he moved to a new area, maybe around 2001. It was small and had members from a local, very poor community attend. He had a friend who is a missionary from the Congo come to visit and she was so moved by his church she donated some Bemba (common language) Bibles to the congregation. When Lackosn was showing the church these bibles, they appeared disappointed and lamented that they could not read. He was shocked- he would have never guessed. So he began teaching some of the women from the community how to read and then children began attending. Again, he wondered why they were not in school. Families explained to him that they did not have any income or work so they could not pay to send their children to the government schools (they are required to purchase uniforms and shoes). This is how the school began- now they have about 30-35 students per grade, with a primary and secondary school. They even had full science labs and a computer lab. Children from the village who are in the most need are identified and vetted to join the school. The school can only allow one child per family to attend. They also have classes for tailoring and are beginning knitting classes in order to educate village members so they are able to have a trade and create goods to sell for a profit. The profit will help them to get food or send their other children to a local government school. Since the school began, they have now successfully had children graduate and attend University. There are also children who lived in the transit home who have now returned to Eagles Wings after their schooling is complete to work.

After Lackosn began teaching, he met a boy who attended his classes that was directly from the streets with no home to call his own. Lackosn took him in to his own home and after a few days, the boy confided in him about what life on the streets was actually like. Lackosn’s heart broke. The boy also told Lackosn that he was very worried for another boy who had just recently come to the area from Lusaka, usually in the night this boy would be the protector for the new boy. Lackosn and the boy went into the village and picked him up as well. Eventually this became a transit home and they are now trying to use foster care in order that instead of using a transit home, the orphans can be living in families. This is where Jubilee Centre comes in- Nissi, the social worker, meets with prospective foster families and trains them with materials provided to her from Bethany Christian Services.

Eagles Wings has some official connection with Australia- it sounds like there is another branch of EW there. Australia sends mission groups a few times a year- one for building, one for setting up a medical clinic, and one that takes some of the children from the village on a trip to Livingstone to see Victoria Falls and elephants and everything else. Eagles Wings now has 35 employees- teachers, directors, and a social worker.

I had the privilege of spending most of my time with Ngoie, the social worker there. She works with the government social services and within the community to assist families and identify children who may qualify to attend the school or live in the transit home. I am blown away by the kind of work she does, and especially that she does it on her own. Emotionally, it is very tough work. She did confide that there are days that she just closes her office door and cries, to which I told her I have had the same experience. The difference is that I work at a place with other workers who are gifts from God that allow me to really, truly be me in their presence in my most vulnerable moments without an ounce of fear of judgement. This is a bit counter cultural in Zambia- often their guards are up. We discussed the possibility that perhaps she and Nissi could begin some sort of Social Workers support group or something in order to support, validate, and encourage one another.

The best part—I was able to bring some supplies with of interventions I might use in the states and show her and practice them with her. Games, ways to help children understand how their brain works, practice deep breathing, and to practice noticing their own feelings and body awareness. Then, we were able to meet with some of the children from the transit home, one-on-one as if it was a regular counseling session. For some she observed the way I interacted with the children, and for some I observed her and coached along the way. It was so incredible- and it worked! One of the children really opened up about her past and her feelings and ways that it can interfere with her schoolwork/studies. I was able to validate and normalize this for her. I was so honored by her vulnerability and so thankful to God for the relief she reported experiencing, just after talking about it for a few minutes. 

The passion and fire in these girls I met- I just cannot even try to explain it. Oh, I LOVE my job and I love the way the Lord heals through relationship. What a beautiful, life-reviving day.

Jesus, you are so, so good. 

a different experience

 

Alright! I apologize I haven’t update on here sooner; today is the first day I have actually used my computer. Here is a little update on what has been going on the last few days and what is to come…

--Background on people...I am here for service trip for Winning at Home. We have a partnership with the Jubilee Centre here- an NGO that works with 107 churches. Pastor Lawrence and Martha Temfwe founded the Jubilee Centre. One of their sons, David, and his wife Abby, are my hosts during my time here (They met in Chicago while they were each attending University). David does media for the Jubilee Centre and Abby works as a teacher at Simba International School.---

1. Travel. Flights, baggage, everything went SO well- thank you so much for all of the prayers. Time seemed to go by quickly, I was able to use wifi in Johannesburg and make it to my overnight hotel all by myself, and I landed in Ndola right in time for the day to begin on Thursday.

2. Arrival. I arrived Thursday and didn’t have anything “scheduled” until today (Monday). Martha picked me up from the airport and dropped me off at Abby and David’s flat to unpack and get settled until Abby came home from school. Their home is beautiful and very similar to a home in the US, a little different than places I have stayed in the past. On Thursday evening, I attended an “aerobics” class at a local gym with Abby- it was great! It was a combination of aerobic step and abs, and then I spent some time on the treadmill while Abby and some of the other attendees did more strength training. It was kind of funny- I have never voluntarily attended a workout class in the States, and doing one in Zambia was not something I ever expected, but it was fun. That night Abby and I got to spend some time getting to know each other and processing what my previous Zambia experiences had been like (and processing how this so far was incredibly different!)

3. Friday. Martha was encouraging me to rest on Friday, which I initially thought I would not need, and then ended up being incredibly grateful for it. Around 3pm I went to town with some of the staff from Jubilee Centre in order to arrange for some way to be able to use my phone. I was able to get a SIM card from a local provider and buy “talktime” that I can use for data on my phone while I am here- I just need to update/purchase the data time as I go. This was a HUGE answer to prayer as it was so odd not saying goodnight to my husband in any fashion whatsoever- no call, no face, no text…It was an odd few days of feeling very invisible/disconnected. Friday after Abby returned from work we went over to her friend Gabi’s house with Abby’s neighbor, Asia. As we sat outside and caught up, I sat back and realized again, this was not the “Zambia” experience I am familiar with. Here I was, not in a skirt, talking to women who have professional jobs, homes, are middle/upper class, and from a variety of ethnic and religious backgrounds. My brain was reeling…So here were all of these subcultures all within the frame of upper/middle class Zambia, and each person with their own perspective and beliefs. Most of my experience here has been in the villages, with mostly “true” Bemba Zambians (a tribe) from a lower class socioeconomic background.

4. Saturday. I slept in again- hooray! And then we went to a pool. I was highly confused. How can I wear a swimsuit here when I am used to long skirts!? And we didn’t have a male with us, and we drove there ourselves, and we didn’t exactly know how to get there…It was myself, Abby, Asia, and another one of their friends, April. April is from Atlanta, but lived in Chicago and Zambia the last 5 years or so. We packed a full picnic and chicken to “braii” or barbeque. Again, it was another great opportunity to meet some awesome girls and process their takes on life in Zambia and everything else in between. We ended up being the only ones at the pool as well, so it made for a pretty relaxing day. After we got home, we took showers and ordered some curry from Starscape, a local amazing restaurant. We fixed some rice and “chi pates” (kind of like flour tortillas) to go with our curries. Delish! I got in some reading and research and went to bed early.

5. Sunday. Abby, David, and I went to a service at Renewal Church. Pastor Lawrence and Martha have started this church and host it at the Jubilee Centre at 8am on Sunday. We began with worship, a message from the children, and Pastor Lawrence led a message on happiness vs joy. We read from Philippians 1: 1-11 about Paul’s joy while he was in prison. Pastor Lawrence presented joy as a “quiet confident assurance of God’s love for you” and how it is impossible for us to even fathom what God has in store for us. Lawrence also discussed how when we are in Christ we are a new creation and adopt a new culture. This hit home for me- my goal is to understand more of traditional Zambian culture and the relationship between it and Christian culture.

After church, I rested and spent some more time in prayer and research. I reviewed the current manual that has been written for the Jubilee Centre to train/assist pastors in counseling children here in the villages. David brought home a homemade braii stand for Abby the day before, so we used it for dinner to grill some chicken, sausage, bacon, and steaks. We also had a salad and a pasta salad. Asia came for dinner as well as a few of David’s friends; Louiando and Louito.

6. Today. Here I am on Monday- back at the Jubilee Centre pondering what on earth God is doing. My mind is blown, it has been so awesome to see another side of Zambia, but it is also confusing. I think most of what I have learned in this last weekend will be a “bookmark” of sorts as it doesn’t directly pertain to what is in the counseling manual that I am hoping to revise/add cultural implications to. This manual is for use for pastors within the Jubilee Centre who are often working with orphans and vulnerable children.

Today I also received a tentative schedule of what is planned for during my time here:

Tuesday 6^th: Visit and observed at Eagles Wings Orphanage (observe structure,

practices, hear the background of the organization, etc)

Wednesday 7^th:  Eagles wings again- making suggestions and training some of the

workers there in understanding the psychological/social needs of children

Thursday 8^th: Adoption Society Orphanage (observe structure,

practices, hear the background of the organization, etc)

Friday 9^th: Adoption Society- provide some training, feedback as see fit

Saturday 10^th: Visit a current foster home (Pastor Phiri)

Sunday 11^th: Church, rest

Monday 12^th: Visit Josphine, a trained counselor at her clinic in Chifubu. Learn about

cultural implications, make suggestions as see fit

Tuesday 13^th: Meet with Rhoida Nyimbilli and Rhoida Magaba at their counseling clinic.

Learn about cultural implication, make suggestions as see fit

Wednesday 14^th: Visit the Church of God community school and feeding program

Thursday 15^th: Visit the Mapalo Bread of Life programs

Friday 16^th: Visit Ubusomboshi- church community school

Monday 19^th: Meet with Pastor Lawrence to discuss what I have observed so far-

recommendations for further growth, best practices, partnerships

Tuesday 20^th: Leave for Lusaka by road with Martha, visit trained counselors there

Wednesday 21^st: Emilie DeYoung and Catherine Mueller-Bell arrive in Lusaka, pick up

from airport

Thursday 22^nd: Go over the counseling manual with trained counselors in Lusaka,

                        discuss how to best care for teens with pastors and their wives

Friday 23^rd: Meet with Pastor Nixon and Vilees to see how programs are going, fly to

Ndola

Saturday 24^th: Do an all-day staff training for the Jubilee Centre employees

Sunday 25^th: Visit Mapalo Church of God

Monday 26^th: Review child counseling manual with trained counselors in Ndola

Tuesday 27^th: Meet with Pastors and their wives about best care for teens

Wednesday 28^th: Visit with trained counselors at clinic in Ndola, visit the Child Adoption

Center

Thursday 29^th: Begin travel process to US

-       This is all pretty content focused for now. I will need some more time for emotional processing; there are just so many pieces. I feel that my heart is truly at peace though and I am so thankful for that. I can most definitely feel your prayers working within me and around me- even just seeing this schedule come together today was such a blessing! I am so thankful to be here. I am sure there will be more posting to come,

Blessings,

Mavis