I have had the greatest 8 weeks. Preparing
for the trip, the 30 days there, and the time I have been home. Wonderful.
Certainly not absent of pain or struggles, but wonderful. I am so thankful for
the extended time in Zambia- I have learned so much. I can appreciate the
people and the culture in an entirely different, more complex and authentic
way.
I have learned about me. I have learned about
my marriage, the ways I depend on others, the ways God crafted us for
vulnerable relationship. I have a new appreciate for vulnerability and how hard,
how wonderful it is. I have a renewed appreciation for my clients and families
and the trust that they place in me and our relationships.
I have learned about grace. I have learned
more about shame and how to expose it to light, how to snuff it out with
whispers from the Lord about who I am and who I am created to be. I have
learned the devil is never going to disappear, but I am getting better at
catching his lies and calling him out for the liar he is.
I have learned about my habits, my comforts,
my patterns in behavior. I love walks. I love, love tortilla chips. I love reading
and going to bed early. I really surprised myself when I found I enjoyed
aerobics classes- especially considering the crammed space and lack of air
conditioning (but people were supportive and fun and we listened to killer 90s
hits). I run off music and sunshine. I really appreciate the smell of candles
and a hot shower. I rekindled my desire to cook and eat fresh foods. And I love
snapping my fingers and busting out some dance moves and random song notes
during the workday.
I learned about how to fuel my holy discontent
instead of how to burn out from it. I learned about Moses and how God creates
us, shapes us, and uses our feelings for good- for motivation, for His will.
I came home and instead of having a tough
time being angry at the world and materialism and the “no one gets it”
attitude, I had so much grace. Grace for myself, our fallen world, and other
people. My heart still broke in many ways, but I don’t feel as helpless or
empty. I treasure my relationship with my husband. TREASURE it. I am thankful
for deep, strong friendships and a tribe that loves me.
We’re all a part of the same culture at the
end of the day. A human culture where we all long to be loved, appreciated,
respected, and heard. I pray for more chances to make sure people know to their
core who they are, in whose image they are made and that they are so worth it
and treasured. And that’s a message that can be sent in every area code, every
day.
It’s good to be home, but I’ll be back soon.
