shine bright like a diamond

 (Okay, so this first part will be content-based to give you an update of some day-by-day things and the second part will be process-based about where my heart is.)

I spent the rest of last week at another “transit” home called The Adoption Society. At the moment, there are 8 children living there- 5 boys and 3 girls. There are only three caregivers on staff at this time- that means there is either one or two women working per shift; in charge of supervising the children, doing the laundry by hand, cooking the food (which often takes hours), bathing the children, and everything else. This organization is presently only funded by “well-wishers” but in the past they were supported by a church in the Netherlands. I am not completely certain why this partnership ended, but it seems that it had been going on for many years and I suspect that the Netherlands was hoping that the Zambians would do more to become self-sustaining and keep consistent reports on how they were using their funds. Again, just my suspicions. 

Initially, my hope was to work with the caregivers to love on them and encourage them, but also to help educate them about how to best care for the children’s psychological needs. I did spend some time doing this, but it became apparent that they have already been stretched so thin and their focus seemed to continually gravitate back toward "we need money." So, instead, we were able to come up with a plan for a few of the women who have been trained by the Jubilee Centre in counseling children to stop by once or twice a week to provide this type of service for the children.

 I spent some time with each of these counselors (both named Rhoida ;) ) in order to check-in on how their practices are going and educate them on a few more strategies and techniques I might use in counseling. They were so receptive and hungry for more information! I plan on meeting with each of them again this week at their own clinics to see what a typical day looks like for them. They were so energized for the Lord and so thankful for some additional suggestions; it inspired me!

There have been so many pieces this time around. I am so, so thankful for more time here to see more and to listen more. In the same breath- wow- so many feelings. There are absolutely incredible people here doing amazing things in the name of Christ, yet there is so much that works against them. And then there are many churches and people who believe they are doing the work of God, but it is driven out of fear and judgement. And then there are massive barriers born out of corruption and desire for control. It’s insanity- it’s everywhere; in the government, in social services, in churches- everywhere. And it just seems to continue on, people know it’s there and they don’t like it, but it’s like they see no other way. It seems “thinking outside the box” is almost a sin here- children are taught to be respectful and do as they are told, to not ask questions or wonder. People continue to do the same thing day after day, generation after generation, because it would be disrespectful not to. This message is also weaved into many of the churches and what it means to be seen as a Christian- if you suffer you are not supposed to tell anyone about it- you will either be ridiculed for having such little faith or people will tell you to get over it. I believe there are good intentions, and I also believe that many people are in their own survival mode. 

So these are some of my own interpretations thus far- they cannot be written in stone. I am one person with one view and I may be wrong in how I see this. There are others who I have processed with who see these things as well, but I am certain that some other Zambians could read this and become very angry. I mean no disrespect; I am simply trying to make sense of it in order to see the big picture of connections that allow things to run the way they run.

For example: the majority of the children who are in the transit home are not actually in transit. They are not available for adoption. Two of the boys are there because their mothers are mentally ill. One of them was actually in process of being adopted and had met with his prospective adoptive parents many times, but the government worker said that because the mother was mentally ill, she was not capable of giving consent to sign off her rights of him. So the process stopped. He has been in the transit home since he was only a year old, now he is four. What is his story going to be? If the adoptive parents had paid off the government worker, bribing, would the process have been completed? I don’t know, I don’t know what his fate will look like. But I am irritated- this means he will be in limbo? He can’t live with his mother, but he can’t be adopted- so he has to live at a transit home for the rest of his childhood without an understanding of family? And there is no caseworker or anything assigned to him who is working to get him into a family or find a solution for him. The social worker, Nissi, from Jubilee Centre has noticed a change in his disposition- he knows that something has happened; he knows he hasn’t seen those prospective parents anymore, but he doesn’t know why. He appears to be quite ambivalent, but by the end of the first day I spent with him he would take my hand and lead me to the swings for me to push him. This sweet little heart, trying to make sense of a world that even to an adult, just doesn't make sense. 

This is just one example out of what seems like endless examples of frustration. And in the midst of all of this frustration, I am reminded why I am here. I spent a good deal of time on Saturday sitting outside in the sun reading the book Holy Discontent by Bill Hybels of Willow Creek. The Lord orchestrates perfect timing- I could feel my heart resting in his hands. This book talks about how to lean in to the things that you just can’t stand- how to be empowered to do something about it and to continually seek God’s grace and mercy in the process. I know what my discontent is- oppression and children being maltreated, however I can get so wrapped up in my own feelings that I just get stuck and overwhelmed in anger or I try to numb the feelings myself instead of surrendering it to the Lord.

            Here are a few excerpts from the book:

“If you expose yourself to all that’s broken in our world but neglect to view the brokenness from Heaven’s perspective (which promises that everything is in the process of being restored) then you’ll get sucked into an impossible downward spiral of aggravation and anger. Things will seem so bleak that you’ll wind up taking up residence inside your firestorm or frustration instead of allowing it to propel you toward positive action.”

“I think it’s entirely possible for us to rest in God’s promise for a better day-one in which there will be no compassion fatigue, no antidepressant pills, and no grumbling bellies in Southern Asian kids- while we work our tails off to usher it in! In fact, when you live out of the energy of holy discontent – elbowing your way past the troubles and struggles and injustices surrounding you in determined pursuit of the “better things” God has promised in his restoration plan-all of heaven will rejoice!”

Amen!

Ephesians 1: 8-10

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

What are the works that God is calling you to? What is something that you can’t stand? How can you lean into it, instead of away, allowing yourself to be transformed by God’s peace? I am truly feeling a peace and at the same time a conviction to press into this feeling, to surrender it to God and follow where he leads. How else would anything get done- if not you, who? How is the Lord training us in the same ways he trained Moses- to be a defender of our freedoms in Christ? 

It's hard. But it's so good. This is what we are created for. 

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And now it's time for Illustrative songs with Mavis, the part of the blog where Mavis comes out and sings an illustrative song (Yes folks, this is my take on Veggie Tales). 

Here and now I'm in the fire,
In above my head
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
Being held under the pressure,
Don't know what'll be left
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
But it's here in the ashes
I'm finding treasure

He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in his timing
He's making diamonds out of us

I'll surrender to the power
Of being crushed by love
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
Till the beauty that was hidden
Isn't covered up
Oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh
Oh it's not what I hoped for
It's something much better

He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making diamonds out of dust
He is refining in his timing
He's making diamonds out of us

Oh the joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He's making diamonds

Oh the joy of the Lord
It will be my strength
When the pressure is on
He's making, he's making

He's making diamonds, diamonds
Making us rise up from the dust
He is refining in his timing
He's making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us

I won't be afraid to shine
I won't be afraid to shine
I won't be afraid to shine
Cause he's making diamonds out of dust
Making diamonds out of us