stuck in sap

YIKES. I’m about to get political here friends. I fully understand that this is not my intention of this blog, but I just can't not talk about this for the sake of trying to avoid offending someone. You most certainly do not have to agree with me, I only pray that you can hear my heart in this and respect my own perspective. I am thankful that God creates us each with our own perspectives and I pray we can carefully hear one another and work together for the sake of humanity. 

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I am here, in another country, trying to encourage people here to become advocates to things that are happening in their own nation that are unjust. There is so much corruption in the government and services here, and children are not properly cared for. And then nothing happens most of the time. I’m over here, half amped and half beyond frustrated and then I realize—many of the people in this country are doing the same thing I do back home. Turning off the news, pretending I can’t do a thing about the state of our government and leadership, and hiding in a book or trying to drown my feelings in music and tortilla chips and chocolate.

Shut the front door. Oh Jesus, how you hold me accountable today. 

I went to a large community this week called Chifubu. They are very poor. There is one clinic that serves thousands of people. People wait for hours to be seen. And I hear a statistic, that I don’t know if is correct/if I understood it correctly, that 75% of the children in this community are affected by HIV- they are either positive themselves or have a caregiver who is positive. I can’t believe that. I want to scream, and heave, and wail. I tried to check that fact with others from Jubilee and are still wanting to confirm it for sure- my mind is arguing that this can’t be true, maybe they were saying that out of the people who come in for testing (which is not everyone in the community and more likely to be people who are sick and already experiencing symptoms) that 75% are them are affected by a positive status- themselves or a parent? I asked Martha to call the clinic and verify the parameters of this statistic, and her response was that "what it actually means is that 75% of the children who are tested at the clinic are HIV positive. So, I am not sure, there isn't clear data. But the idea that it could be any percent at all just gets me furious. And then there is everything else they face- malaria and tuberculosis are practically regarded as the common cold. Everything is covered in poverty; the children can’t even afford to go to school. Also, often children will be HIV positive, their parents don’t tell them, and so when they are taking their ARV meds they have no idea what it is or why they are taking it. People don’t talk about it. Fear- the sticky, sap-like substance that makes gravity ten times it's actual pull. And it spreads like wildfire. Adults are unfaithful to their spouses and are unwilling to tell their own spouse their status for fear of being left. Often older men will have many young girlfriends in the community and still be married.

There is a type of alcoholic drink called chibuku that is sold in giant cartons for 2 or 5 kwatcha, aka 20 or 50 cents. It contains the filling substance of mealie meal so it is basically a very filling drink you can get drunk off for pennies. Sounds like their own "tortilla chips and chocolate" to me- can I be surprised that they want to drown out the pain of their circumstances? 

I am scratching my own head wallowing in my own realization of how complacent I have become in my own country’s happenings because the majority of things that take place in government have almost no effect on me. But they affect my friends, my colleagues, my kids who I see for counseling. Education budget cuts affect ALL children- why the heck do I pretend it isn’t happening? They children in the US can’t do anything to advocate for these things- who will do it? Why don’t I? Here I am praying and expecting people in Zambia to be moved to advocate for injustice, but what does my own record show in my own country? 

I am asked day in and day out about American politics and what I think about this and what I think about that. I am hearing that Trump is trying to deport Christian Iraqis to the Middle East, where death is almost certain. I see that they have committed past crimes, some decades ago. But I also see it was decades ago, some of these infractions are quite minute and they have already paid their debts under Obama, and that many are now in Christ and have families here and many are in process to legal citizenship. What is the current threat? What about our education budget cuts- so many crucial programs being ripped out of the hands of our youth? 

How does this serve us? Fear. Accountability. What will be done, who will stand up? Who feels stuck in sap? What makes your blood cry out for Jesus and justice?

After two weeks of pretty much no chocolate and certainly no tortilla chips, I have actually lost weight. And last night I was so fed up that we drove to pick n pay so I could pick up some white bread, peanut butter, mango jam and juice, cadbury chocolate, and some very salty peanuts. SAP. I confess my sap. I don't want to do anything about it, I just want to sit and wallow, but I know I have to. 

What is your sap? Why are you in it?