scrambled eggs

As previously stated, welcome to my heart. My scrambled-eggs heart.

This week has been a blur of SO many feelings, pretending to not have them, having all of them at once, and being SO loved on by friends and family that I am absolutely blessed by. Seriously, it's like your wedding day and you look back and realize how amazing your support system is, but you "can't/don't" in the moment because if you did, it would be so overwhelming and you would just crumble and weep and not get a single thing done.

I have had a long to-do list. And I have tried to hold my feelings about leaving (which are all of them, I have all of the feelings from so excited to nervous to blessed, to blaaaah), my family and friends' feelings, my clients' feelings, and my sweet husband's feelings. And there are just so many, so beautiful, so thankful, so many.

I ask for grace. If I have not seemed like myself-if I have seemed distant or zoned out or "trying too hard," you are so right, I have been. Not because I am not noticing how sweet you all are, not because I am wanting to be snarky, but just because I am surviving. It is so refreshing to be that real with people- when dear friends at work check in and see how I am doing and all I have to say is "scrambled eggs, I am all the of feelings, and all of the scramble" and they lovingly get it. AMEN!

I love that Jesus lets me be scrambled eggs, And He comforts me, and often he un-scrambles me. I know it will probably be awhile before I feel un-scrambled, and I want to be okay with that. I want to invite that, I want to invite what breaks His heart into mine and I would "ideally" like to do it without a wall up, but without feeling it all (yes, impossible, I know). Please pray for this balance. Please pray that He will bring the wall down and He will hold me as I feel it all.

Just a few more hours...(!) Blessings,
Mavis